A good friend and I were talking recently about a certain aspect of modern dating that is occurring among many communities of people. Before I begin, Its nothing new, in fact, this has been going on for years. I'm sure many of you reading this will relate to this scenario:
You meet someone special, venue of your choice. You two have an amazing chemistry and decide to take it a small step forward and exchange contact information. Let the games begin.
Depending on the pride and ego of each individual this can go very well or very badly. It boils down to who is going to make the first move. In this day and age, it seems that everyone wants their ego stroked and has the "If he/she is interested they will call me" attitude, also many are afraid of coming across as too "needy." So in turn, true feelings are put on a back burner and this becomes the basis of getting to know one another while trying to guard your heart. Before I go any further, let me say I hate this!!!!
I call this the "AVAILABILITY GAME" brought to you by stereotypical bullshit.
So, you and your new special friend are really into one another, so it seems. You two have went on your first date since you met and the chemistry is still there, so it seems. You have long conversations and maybe even get in that first kiss. The very next day, one or both of you is so guarded that you don't want to seem too eager, so you don't contact your new potential ,yet, hope they reach out to you. Pride is in full gear and you don't want them to know that all you can think of is them and you can't wait until you guys are together again. The fact that they might not be that into you already hurts, so you wait until your patience is finally depleted to empty and then you reach out, only to find they were waiting on you all along. TSK TSK
This is where true frustration begins to manifest for the hopeless romantics, like myself. I will gladly put myself out there and say that I don't like to hold back my feelings. I also don't want to pretend I'm not feeling someone as much as they are feeling me. Somehow, I continually get pulled in to this scenario and I decided it was time to expose it and hopefully find a healthier alternative when dating someone new. Why is it so wrong to be genuine or to really like someone and want to spend time with them? It doesn't mean that one wants instant commitment or exclusivity, they simply want to get to know you more and more and more. Yet, it is common for this to be labeled as "needy."
Now don't get me wrong, I would be a fool if I told people to wear their hearts on their sleeves, that would be a mistake. However, don't be so guarded by the fear of rejection that you are reduced to a silly game of phone tag or war.
We are in a generation of people where everybody wants the "asshole" or the "bitch." It is much more fun for people to try and convince someone to like them, then try and work it out with the ones that already do. The thrill of the chase has become the new status of relationships. Never been too good at making people chase me, or chasing. Not much of the game player.
To my readers, if you are dating someone that tickles your fancy, know that anytime it comes to matters of the heart it will be risky. Think wisely about your actions and how they are coming across. If you want to play hard to get, so be it. Just don't miss out on Mr/Mrs. Right in hopes of protecting your heart. Ultimately, if you aren't in to them, be honest and don't lead them on as it will only cause pain.
I personally find this to be very taxing and waste of time. All the moments we spend pretending we are "unavailable" is time we could have spent getting to know one another. I'm all for taking it slow and enjoying the moment, I just don't like pauses in my programming.
K. Dwayne
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