Heart Reformatted (Me for Me): Changing My Way of Thinking.

I've been adjusting my way of thinking when it comes to the people I date. I wouldn't say that I've had an epiphany, but a realization that shows a certain flaw in the choices I've made. I have performed an observation of my past and I have realized that I tend to go for a certain type; put simply its the type that doesn't want me for me.

The people I have dated have been people who stuck around for what I appeared to be and when I came true to form it was simply too much. I can rant all day and all night about how some are just no good, but truthfully, the only person I can blame is myself.

I haven't been to the gym in a week and it feels great! Before you start hurling insults out about how fat I'm going to get, hear me out. If you know anything about me, you would know that I've spent more time in the gym than necessary and when I didn't get in the gym I would feel somewhat inadequate. I couldn't give a damn about fitness & health, it was all about image. I had to feel desired physically and what better place to feed this need than 24 hour fitness? The problem was, with my "gym body", I was attracting the shallow. These are people who wouldn't accept me, let alone look at me twice with any extra weight around my midsection. The relationships could only be based on sex because sexual attraction is really the groundwork that started them. These rendezvous would only last as long as I was doing pull ups and and squats. Don't get me wrong, I loved the attention, but at the end of the day...emptiness.

Most people who date based on physique don't ever get to the core. You don't know how many people have no clue that I write, let alone went to college, or have human feelings, why? Because they just wanted F*ck.

I don't want to get to far off from my initial point of writing this entry so let me take you back...I realize that I've been doing it all wrong to find that special someone. I always went for the unattainable, meanwhile I would have quite a few (not to brag or boast) waiting for the opportunity to date me and what did I do? Ignore them. I was so busy busting my ass in the gym for no reason and pretending to be someone I wasn't for people who couldn't care less about how I felt. I came to the conclusion that I had to change my way of thinking and therein alter "my type" if you will.

The Tom & Jerry-thrill-of-the-chase way of dating is dead to me. I don't want to chase anymore. I don't want to convince anymore people that I am the one for them, I also don't want anyone to convince me. I want someone to be honest with their feelings from the jump and I want to be honest with mine and if that is too much for whoever...more fish in the sea. The truth of the matter is, love isn't a game, some competitive ass man decided it was too simple and decided to make it "interesting" and somehow it became a way of life.

Recently, a friend of mine asked me if I would be interested in dating one of his friends because he thought we would hit it off. I replied "No" at first because I was busy chasing some loser and was blinded by that disaster. I was also caught in this idea that the person wasn't "my type" when I knew nothing whatsoever about them. I instantly, sent a reply text and said "give me their number." I thought to myself "why the hell am I saying some one isn't 'my type' when all of those who fit into that horrible category have caused me and my heart harm?" At that moment, I erased my so called preference and decided to stop chasing, turn around, stand still, and simply be captured.

The last few weeks, I have been Kevin Dwayne. I haven't adjusted anything about myself. I frequent the gym for me and its when I want to go. Those I date are into me because of my mind, my current state of being, and not what I may potentially be in their minds. This is how it should be and I refuse to be put back in that mess I was in before. So to all those who gave me a hard time, I want to Thank You for being the assholes you were because you taught me how to let go, let it burn, and go for those who truly want me for me.

-K. Dwayne

Single Isn't So Bad

Every now and then, I get frustrated at the fact that I am single, especially with the holidays nearing. I don't get validation from other people but it's nice to have a special person to share experiences with. However, there are many perks of not being connected to someone; I don't have to deal with the BS. No sitting by the phone, no checking in, no birthdays to forget, no labels to keep, no jealous friends, no sitting at home while they are partying, no misunderstandings, no arguments, no insults, no holding out on sex,no selfish sex, no cheating, no lying, no revenge, no ignored calls,no bad sex, no compromising with no reciprocity, no pride to swallow, no exes to compete with, no begging, no pleading, no Internet profiles to question, and no giving everything to get nothing in return.

Single isn't so bad.


-Kevin Dwayne

Electro-Love: A Look at Digital Relationships

Like many people around the world during this economic drop, I have been looking for ways to budget my money and cut costs. Recently, I was analyzing my cell phone bill and noticed I had over 6,000 rollover minutes and only used around 200 minutes a month on actual phone conversations. Meanwhile, my text message and data usages were through the roof! (Bare with me, this is going to get much deeper than you'd expect.)This really got me thinking about the fact that communication is becoming less and less personal and I truly think it is weakening relationships.

You see only a few years ago, I remember talking on the phone for hours with friends and family and it kept our bonds stronger because it was our main form of communication outside of spending time with one another. We would catch up each others lives and get updates. However, in present time with Facebook, Twitter, Myspace etc., there is no need for these connections because we are bombarded all day with status updates and what's happening in the world of others. So at the end of the day what is there really to talk about?

I truly believe my last rendezvous went a little sour because of this issue. I was seeing someone for a couple months and we talked on the phone 3 times. Two of the times were to get directions and to let them know I was waiting outside. All communication was via text or Facebook, I HATED IT! It was already enough that we didn't see each other but then I couldn't even hear their voice when I wanted. It seems that people are comfortable with typing more than talking, to me it's lacks warmth and isn't personal at all. At least with talking on the phone I know I'm not getting a generic message-->>> We are all guilty of this, when you send a message like "What's Up?" to like 8 people and see who responds...(A MESS!) Not to mention it is nice to just talk on the phone with someone you admire, simple things in life!

I personally am trying to go back to traditional means of communication. While I will be faithful to Twitter and Facebook, I will still have phone conversations with friends and family. I also have decided not to add anyone I'm dating on social networks, that way we can have something to talk about when we see each other. I feel this will prevent having a digital relationship.

So the point of this message to you is this: Don't let technology weaken your relationships.

-Kevin Dwayne

Random is all I can be...

Those of you who actually read my blog have noticed that I have changed the name from "Out of Line" to "Mental Decompression". Well, my reasoning comes down to this... With the title "Out of Line" I feel that people expect me to be well...out of line. The truth of the matter is I can't be 'in your face' cynical and gritty 24/7. I was beginning to feel as if I couldn't just vent about whatever, it seemed as if I had to have a good topic to keep my readers, when in reality, all I want to do is write what ever is on my mind. This is why I have changed the title of my blog to its current title.

I will continue to have YouTube videos under the "Out of Line" title and I hope to have way more updates, as this site will become a place to vent on a more consistent schedule. So with that said, allow me to decompress.

-Kevin Dwayne

Congratulations (NOT Really!...But Really)

I laugh at the daily occurrences in my life. In fact, today's happenings were so funny I decided to blog about it. Earlier, I ran into someone I was briefly entangled with for a few months about three years ago ( we haven't seen each other since). So we collaborate in small talk and I asked them about their love life and they reply "Oh, I have a boyfriend; we've been together for almost three years."I smile and say, "Congrats (not really) you deserve it, (no you don't) I wish you the best (asshole)." We cordially ended the conversation and parted ways.

I laughed at the fact that when we were "talking" it was set in stone that there would be no relationship because they didn't want one and didn't want one for a long time. However; if my calculations are correct they met someone weeks after me and they are having a wonderful long-term relationship. More power to them.

I understand, clearly, that our chemistry wasn't there. I also understand that they have found something great. I am truly happy for them, really. I never want to get in the way of someone finding their true love, because I am definitely looking for mine.

On the other hand, I am mad that I was lied to by another person. I guess because I am nice, people want to let me down easy and make up the cheesy movie script excuses about not being ready for a relationship and letting someone in, when in reality they aren't ready for...ME. I can definitely be a little much, but damn, I am a grown man, tell me the truth and I will live. It actually hurts more when you are lied to and it makes me lose all respect for you as a person.

As I said before, I am happy for their new found love. A little Bitter, but hey you can't have it all.

-Kevin Dwayne.

The Importance of Being You.

Through many failed attempts of my own and by example of others, I have noticed a key factor to damaging a relationship and that is omitting various aspects of one's self to impress another. I would like to elaborate on this as I see it happen so much in recent times.

First, sometimes when people meet and are interested in one another, it starts as infatuation. Many are enamored by looks and first impressions. What then happens is the fact that one will be so ready to seal the deal they will alter themselves to make the other seem as if they are the "perfect fit."

For example, your new potential tells you he/she loves to go skating, you don't let them finish their sentence before you exclaim "I Love Skating!" The sad thing is you haven't been skating since you were five and bruised your knees and swore you would never put on a pair of roller blades again. So now that you have lied, you have to continue on this journey. You run out buy skates the next morning, maybe go to the park and practice because you know now that you opened your mouth, he or she will be asking you to go skating real soon. So what happens next? You realized you still hate skating and he/she wants to go every weekend. HMMMM

Now it doesn't have to be as complex as activities, this can be scaled down to interests (i.e Music, Foods, Movies, etc.) Don't pretend to like something because you are afraid if you don't they will lose interest in you. Remember the term opposites attract? It is still found to be true. It is fine to have a few things in common, but you don't have to mirror your potentials every trait.

I say tell the truth about yourself. Why? Because it will save you much grief in the long run when you suddenly wonder why you two aren't compatible anymore and why arguments are becoming so easy to start. The reason is because the honeymoon stage of the relationship is over and you are tired of pretending to like what they like and don't want to think of compromising anymore. This is when all the movie statements take place "What happened to the guy/girl I use to know?" and "You've Changed." They didn't change, they just weren't honest with you because they were afraid you wouldn't like or accept their real personality. SAD.

I want to end with this; the reason you should be upfront and honest with your potential guy/girl is so they get to know YOU! If they don't like You or aspects of your personality, don't feel rejected. There are plenty more attractive men and woman out there and one of them would absolutely love you for YOU!

-K. Dwayne

The Availability Game

A good friend and I were talking recently about a certain aspect of modern dating that is occurring among many communities of people. Before I begin, Its nothing new, in fact, this has been going on for years. I'm sure many of you reading this will relate to this scenario:

You meet someone special, venue of your choice. You two have an amazing chemistry and decide to take it a small step forward and exchange contact information. Let the games begin.

Depending on the pride and ego of each individual this can go very well or very badly. It boils down to who is going to make the first move. In this day and age, it seems that everyone wants their ego stroked and has the "If he/she is interested they will call me" attitude, also many are afraid of coming across as too "needy." So in turn, true feelings are put on a back burner and this becomes the basis of getting to know one another while trying to guard your heart. Before I go any further, let me say I hate this!!!!

I call this the "AVAILABILITY GAME" brought to you by stereotypical bullshit.

So, you and your new special friend are really into one another, so it seems. You two have went on your first date since you met and the chemistry is still there, so it seems. You have long conversations and maybe even get in that first kiss. The very next day, one or both of you is so guarded that you don't want to seem too eager, so you don't contact your new potential ,yet, hope they reach out to you. Pride is in full gear and you don't want them to know that all you can think of is them and you can't wait until you guys are together again. The fact that they might not be that into you already hurts, so you wait until your patience is finally depleted to empty and then you reach out, only to find they were waiting on you all along. TSK TSK

This is where true frustration begins to manifest for the hopeless romantics, like myself. I will gladly put myself out there and say that I don't like to hold back my feelings. I also don't want to pretend I'm not feeling someone as much as they are feeling me. Somehow, I continually get pulled in to this scenario and I decided it was time to expose it and hopefully find a healthier alternative when dating someone new. Why is it so wrong to be genuine or to really like someone and want to spend time with them? It doesn't mean that one wants instant commitment or exclusivity, they simply want to get to know you more and more and more. Yet, it is common for this to be labeled as "needy."

Now don't get me wrong, I would be a fool if I told people to wear their hearts on their sleeves, that would be a mistake. However, don't be so guarded by the fear of rejection that you are reduced to a silly game of phone tag or war.

We are in a generation of people where everybody wants the "asshole" or the "bitch." It is much more fun for people to try and convince someone to like them, then try and work it out with the ones that already do. The thrill of the chase has become the new status of relationships. Never been too good at making people chase me, or chasing. Not much of the game player.

To my readers, if you are dating someone that tickles your fancy, know that anytime it comes to matters of the heart it will be risky. Think wisely about your actions and how they are coming across. If you want to play hard to get, so be it. Just don't miss out on Mr/Mrs. Right in hopes of protecting your heart. Ultimately, if you aren't in to them, be honest and don't lead them on as it will only cause pain.

I personally find this to be very taxing and waste of time. All the moments we spend pretending we are "unavailable" is time we could have spent getting to know one another. I'm all for taking it slow and enjoying the moment, I just don't like pauses in my programming.

K. Dwayne

Michael Jackson Passes Away

This is a super sad day in Music. The KING of Pop, Michael Jackson has died after being rushed to the hospital for cardiac arrest. Its gonna take awhile for it to really settle in for me. Michael Jackson was a staple of music for me and millions. Michael Jackson was 50 years old.

Single Ladies (Gospel Version)

This Video is a little old, but if you haven't seen it you will be happy you did. Get into the Soprano.

In the last week, I had a chance to watch the movie "Yes Man" starring veteran comedian Jim Carrey. I found this movie to be quite hilarious and the perfect movie to watch at home with friends and family.

Oddly, this movie taught a valuable lesson that I feel is very important. Jim's character in the movie, Carl, said yes to everything because he had to, and this eventually blew up in his face. It in a sense, made him a liar because he didn't express his true feelings all the time.

There was a point in time, when I said yes to keep the peace. I figured if I never went against the grain I could maintain most of my friendships. Just like the film, this ended up being a disaster. People saw that I was not comfortable with all of my compliance. I eventually looked like the bad guy in their eye because I would perform actions but there would be no emotion behind and this made me look fake.

Now, I sing a different tune. I have found myself and learned to be honest with me. I shouldn't have to say yes to be a peace keeper. I just need to be myself at all times and do things because I want. That in turn will make me genuine. Life is too short to fake it.